Overexposed

     We live in a world that seems to thrive on overexposure. People want to be famous. They want to have everyone hang onto their every word. Everyone needs to know their name, even if it's only for those 15 seconds. Are they looking for meaning? Purpose? Validation perhaps? What are they going to do with those 15 seconds? Anything worthwhile? Nope. They milk it for all it's worth, and desperately hang on to it with their fingernails as it starts to slip away. When it's over, they are stunned to find that they are no better off, no happier, and no more fulfilled than they were when they were a mere mortal; unknown. It happens again and again, and yet we are surprised at every story we read about some other person getting lost in the shuffle, and falling off the deep end when they get there. 

Don't Announce Everything to the World

    Keep a little something to yourself, or a lot of something. This is one of my largest flaws. I broadcast pretty much everything. It's useful in a way because the people around me are never left in doubt of what I'm thinking, or feeling. It's not useful always because I don't want people all knowing what's going on in my brain. I don't always say what's going on, but my body language isn't good at concealing anything. If I'm tired, it shows in my eyes. If I'm sad, the way I carry myself changes. People know what I'm going to have for lunch, and if I have plans for the weekend. If people ask me a question about myself, I can pretty much guarantee that they will learn more than they needed to. I also have a tendency to think out loud, and forget that other people can hear me. I wish I didn't though. If there is no sense of mystery, no sense of unknown, how do I make sure that I stay relevant to people in my life?
    That being said, I only share the things that I don't carry really close to my heart. Somehow, I'm able to filter certain things out of my "outside voice." I think that there are certain aspects of ourselves that we keep from the world because they are so intrinsic to how we define ourselves, we cannot trust anyone else with them. I know from my experiences that sometimes if we do share a part of ourselves, we are in no way guaranteed that someone else will value it as much as we hope they do. When they don't, we get hurt. Badly. Then we think twice before we give someone else that same or a different part. It's self protection. I am also pretty good at playing up aspects of myself for entertainment. I'm actually an introvert, but if I'm in a group of people, I find it fairly easy to put on a show. Small groups and large groups get slightly different versions, but the idea is the same. I know what is going to be positively received, in society, and because of the people I tend to be around, I know what sorts of things many of them will find entertaining. That is what I amplify in those situations. It seems a little deceptive to filter things that way, but then again, if it's something that you don't share with anyone, I don't think it really counts.
   I think a part of why I still do it comes from the knowledge of how to read people after I share certain things. Somehow, reading their response creates a sense of awareness, and even if they don't overshare like I do, I still know a part of what's going on in their head. That knowledge is comforting to me, especially if I'm in a group. I know what's going on.
    I started a test awhile ago, and it was a long range attempt to keep more "stuff" to myself. 1) Try to let someone else prompt what gets shared. 2) Remind yourself that not everyone cares. 3) Be okay with people not knowing, and in return, not knowing what people think about you. As I'm working on it, the rules change, and I have to adapt my approach. This is also influenced by the fact that I'm a young adult in a shifting world, and I'm trying to be seen a certain way, while still building relationships. I'm not done yet, and I don't think I ever will be...

Elections make me tired...

   Yes I'm about to post about politics. I have a question: When in the history of politics and such has yelling, muck-raking, and passing judgement proven to be an effective conversion tactic? Yes, I know it's tradition. Quite frankly I, and everyone else I know, am tired of it. The election is over. Thank goodness. Unfortunately, now I have to deal with the two kinds of posts surrounding me: The ones who are celebrating, and those who are convinced that the US is now going to hell in a hand-basket.
   We get promised the moon (at least that's the way it feels for how attainable it will be,) but during the campaign (should be spelled C-A-M-P-A-I-N) we get no answers. Only blanket statements that tell us nothing. "Make an informed choice." REALLY?!?!?!? How am I supposed to do that when I can't access facts no matter where I look? Every outlet has a bias, some more obvious than others. Regardless of the spin-doctoring, we take the media at its word. We've stopped asking questions because we're tired. We're tired of being lied to. We're tired of second guessing everything we hear. We're tired of having to defend our opinions/actions to people who have no business knowing. We're tired of being told we're idiots.
   All the candidates say one thing, and we the public, are guaranteed that everything they said is not going to happen. It becomes about their pocketbooks, and at this point, I'm talking about Congress and the House; state and national level. Money talks, and it's telling those of us with no power to shut up.
   It's frustrating when I feel like none of my options have presented a detailed and functional plan to fix the problems, and if I voice this concern, all I get is talked over and make to feel like a moron. Now I keep my mouth shut. And for the record, I never tell anyone who I vote[d] for. What good will it do? I already get yelled at enough about politics, and that goes for you random phonebakers who somehow got my cell-phone number...
   I'm such a Pollyanna though. I still continue to cast my vote come election day in the hope that somehow, this work itself out.
  
   This concludes my first and final political post. Thank you.

You Don't Have to Fix Everything

   This is something that I'm still learning. I'm a fixer, and one of the hardest things I run into is that I have no control over certain things. I can't make everything alright, all of the time. It seems a little odd that I would be trying to take responsibility for certain things, and repair them, but I do, and I know I'm not alone. 
   You are not responsible for everything. You can't fix it all. That being said, if I could, I would. 

Types of People You Know

The Material One: They have the best, the most expensive, and the newest stuff, and that means that they will always be showing it to you. They drop name brands in conversation like pennies. I personally find it entertaining to get a bunch of these people together, and watch the feathers fly!

The One Liner: The one who always has the comeback you wish you did.

The Serial Dater: A series of monogamous relationships. Every new bf/gf is "the best thing to happen to me," and "could be the one." At best, the relationships last a couple months, and they jump with both feet into another one, a few weeks later, at most.

Into the Wild Blue Yonder: Always poised to embark on, or has just completed, a great adventure. They have the best stories, and are useful at dinner parties. Easy target of jealousy. Their life seems awesome.

The Godmother: That girl who has her own mini-mafia to protect her from the idiots that are in the dating world. The mafia can include, but isn't limited to: Siblings, fathers, friends of siblings, and anyone who generally feels protective toward this girl. Should be noted, the title of "Godmother" is purely ceremonial. She has little to no control over the members, and they will protect her by THEIR standards.

The Romantic: Regardless of the number of times they get burned, they still think the best of people. They hope for and see the best in their relationships. Has a tendency to get played. (If this is a girl who is a Romantic Godmother, the nit-wit(s) who hurt her may just disappear.)

It Might be Your Fault...

   I hate it when it's my fault. I think everyone does, and I also hate that moment when you realize the common denominator in all the drama is, in fact, you. Dang it. Your words hurt someone. Your actions destroyed a relationship. Your attitude is responsible for the majority of the anger being thrown in your face. I think we all like to play the martyr. If someone reacts to the stones we're throwing, we are so shocked that they throw them back in our faces with a handful of tacks. We then escalate the situation. We never stop to consider what provoked the attack. Us.
   That being said, some people just collect chaos around them. They seem to function in the eye of the hurricane like it's normal, and they have to enjoy it on some level of consciousness. I don't know what it is about these people that draws the crazies out and to them, but it happens. They can be dating relationships (though I'm convinced there is a certain amount of enabling that goes on in those snafus,) or just in their daily interactions with family and random people. As soon as I figure out how it is possible to do that, and not lose your last mind, I'm writing a book, and selling it for large sums of money.

Compliments

   I have decided that there should be more random compliments in the world. People are insecure in most of their social interactions (however well they may mask it,) and I'd like to think that random compliments could help to change that. All we hear about at work, in the media, and among friends is what we're doing wrong. We seldom hear an "attaboy" at work, unless we go above and beyond the call of duty, and the person who benefits takes it upon themselves to tell your superiors how awsome you are. Give a compliment, or a statement of gratitude to someone. Be sincere, but take the extra 30 seconds. We spend too much time running from place to place, and not stopping to think about the people we run past. You never know what the ripple effect might be, but why not compliment someone on their shoes? If nothing else, you just made their next 15 seconds, or potentially their entire morning commute.

   How are you supposed to assume that the words "thank you" adequately express your gratitude to someone who changed you forever? Someone who was able to heal your soul in places you didn't know you were wounded. Someone whose caring set you free to look for love in the next leg of your journey. Someone who taught you to trust yourself and others again. Someone who made your sense of self clearer. Someone who told you you had a beautiful soul. Someone who was there. And after the fact, after life pushed you apart, someone who taught you to forgive; that the precious memories you have with that person don't have to bring pain, hurt, or anger. They can make you smile. Still. 
   Unfortunately, I don't think I will ever hear from the person who did this for me, and I hold no delusion that they will ever read this. I hope that when they think of me, they smile, and pray that I am well. I am, but they will never know how much of a part they played in that.
   If by some strange twist, you do read this, even though it doesn't even begin to encompass it, Thank you.

Learn to Laugh

   Life is funny, and very warped. The sooner you can figure that out, the better off you're gonna be. This doesn't mean that you laugh at inappropriate times, or that you point out absurd humor at inopportune moments. It just means that if you don't take everything so seriously, life is going to be a lot less annoying.
   Try looking for the humor in stuff. Seriously. There are a lot of entertaining things in daily life. Try to find at least one per day be it something someone said, a sign, a strange coincidence that no TV writing team could concoct. You don't have to share this with anyone. It's solely for your entertainment. 
   Learning to laugh especially applies to being directed at yourself. I am convinced that most people have no idea how funny they are. I was walking around with a box of mac and cheese in my hand today, and trying to text my sister at the same time. I vocalized how complicated this really was. A random person suggested (with a raised eyebrow) that I put the box in my bag. I felt like a moron, but after I got past that, I found it really funny. We all have moments like that, and if we could get past the embarrassment, and go to the funny part, it wouldn't be such a travesty when we do something dumb. Doing dumb things is inevitable, but how we respond is completely under our control.

Would it Kill You to Say "Thank You?"

One of my biggest pet peeves: People who don't say thank you.

   Now this has always been something that stands on my last nerve, but since joining the customer service branch, it has become clear how much this really bothers me. Let me be honest, I don't mind jumping through hoops, and cutting through red tape for someone. It's my job, but if I spend two hours working only on your problem, and ignoring the other 18 things that are waiting for my attention because I want to make sure you are happy, can't you say thank you? I don't expect a large box of chocolates, or even a small one for that matter, I just like to be acknowledged.

   Along this same line, if someone says "thank you! I really appreciate it." My entire day (which could have been like walking through the wastelands up to that point) changes. I want to work harder. I feel like I actually did something useful. Sometimes jobs just feel like you're treading water, and a moment like that makes you realize that you do have a purpose. Needy? Maybe a bit. It makes you consider how much power a simple phrase has though. 

   I've always tried to say "thank you" to people that I come in contact with (someone held the door for me, helped me pick up my dropped change, answered my question, etc.) but since I've noticed how much it bothers me when people don't thank me, I've started making an extra effort. This especially applies to people that are working in customer service when I'm the customer. 
~Things to try to remember:~
1. Try to get their name, and thank them by it. If you forget, ask. They probably won't mind telling you.
2. Smile. They can hear it.
3. Tell them when you're pleased with something. Most of the time all they hear is the negative.
4. Devote as much of your attention to what you're doing as possible. It's very hard to get everything to go right if you are driving, and talking to your friends, and complaining to the person on the phone that your credit card is overdrawn.

   In daily life, it's as simple as just acknowledging the work that someone has done. This includes significant others, family members, friends, and the barista who made your coffee. I think part of the reason we get bent out of shape when things take a bit longer than we would like is that it is a rude reminder that the world does not, in fact, revolve around us. Shocker.

How to Keep it Together at Your Job (Pt. II)

It's Okay to Ask for Clarification:

   If your understanding of something is muddy, ask for an explanation. It's better to do that and then do it right, than find out later and have to redo it and/or do damage control. I hate damage control.

Limit How Much of Your Personal Life You Share:

   If you limit your personal information spouting (and I am very guilty of the opposite of this) some may accuse you of being snobby, unfriendly, or just plain mean. Despite that, you don't owe anyone an explanation or information about your personal life. Depending of the type of information, it could be used against you someday (very conspiracy minded, I know.) On the more likely side, there are just certain people that you don't want to know that much about your home life. A little mystery is good.

Follow the Dress Code:

   'Nuff said.

Keep the Lines of Communication Open:

   This goes for co-workers, and to the higher-ups (or lower-downs as the case may be.) Know the power structure, and who you need to go to if something happens. If there is a policy that needs to be changed, make sure that the need is known. Most of the problems that I run into at work, and daily life, would never have happened if people would actually talk with each other. Stay updated, even if you have to jump through some hoops. It won't hurt you, and it may save your job.

 

Take Initiantive:
   If something has to be done, do it. Don't wait around for someone else to because it will never get done. Ever. No, it doesn't have to become a part of your job, but if there is coffee spilled on the counter, wipe it up. It will take all of 30 seconds, and make sure that you don't accidentally set your elbow in it. Benefit for the office; benefit for you! This is called a win-win... Not everyone takes this approach, but if they did, jobs would be much more pleasant.

Be Genuine:
   Nothing is more annoying than having someone be false to your face. Don't pretend to be something you're not. It's tiring, and irritating for everyone around you. +5 points for each person that you accidentally let the charade slip in front of. They may just think you're off your rocker though. Cool.

Keep Boundaries:
   It is your life. You are not obligated to cross boundaries to things that conflict with your morals, or personal views. This goes for professional and personal interactions at your workplace. If people don't respect your boundaries, tough cheese for them. As long as your boundaries are set up for you, and not just to tick people off, they just have to be okay with it. If your job requires you to keep your boundaries on a sliding scale, it's time for a new job.

Keep You Resume Updated:
   You never know when someone may ask for it. You also never know when you may be out of a job. Always be prepared, like the Boy Scouts!

Always Take a Breath:

   Co-workers are annoying. Bosses, and customers can be too. Take a breath before you answer. Use that pause to calm yourself. You might save yourself more than you think you might think.

The Emoticon

   Perhaps I am alone in this, but I truly find emoticons to be strange things. There are so many variations of a single "emotion" that it honestly staggers my mind. I suppose we could make the argument that they stand in for the visual cues that we depend on while communicating in person. Along that same line, we could say the variety simply personalizes the responses. Mmmmmm, not really. I don't see how the variations in smiley faces can even begin to replace actual facial cues. 
Normal :) With a nose :-) Other direction (: Make them think (-: Give the face character :^)
[*It should be noted that these are just a few of the actual smiley faces that are typical*] 
   Yeah, that really doesn't do it for me. The second set takes me a little longer to comprehend, and actually annoys me a bit; ditto for the other variations of the face. The thought of "Why can you just type it like everyone else????" does actually cross my mind, irrational though it may be.

   There is such a process that we go through that we don't even think about to add a face. The questions that we must ask ourselves: Nose or no nose? Is this face flirting? Which way should it face? Am I serious? Surprised? Do I want the face to actually match my true feeling? Will I offend this person if I stick my tongue out at them? Is the mouth curved or angular? Do I have an actual response, or is the face the response? and WHO'S THE GENIUS/IDIOT WHO THOUGHT OF THIS? (The version of the last one depends on how your communication has been going...)

   They, and other little symbols that you can make thanks to facebook chat (a penguin, shark, or robot to name a few,) are fillers. We use them to fill gaps in conversations. We try to use them to soften text messages that didn't get typed right. We also use them in attempts to clarify the spirit in which the message is/was given. I think they've become a lot like using LOL. It's another communication adaptation gone awry, by becoming insincere and meaningless in most contexts.

Does all of this really mean the emoticon is just a bastardization of facial cues? How uplifting... ;)

What's the Matter with Gray?

   There is very little comfort in the world today with gray area. Everything has to be black or white. One's life must all fit into a nice neat little box. If it doesn't, people blame you, and your lack of decision making skills, or whatever your fault is that week. We so dearly like to organize things, and put them in their "proper" place (when in doubt, look at the organizing section of a chain store, and count the number of ways you can store your shoes.) We are at loss about what to do if we can't make something from our life or relationships fit into a box. (Imagine that: Something as diverse, and fluid as life not fitting into a box...) It makes us uncomfortable. What many people miss though, is that when you are outside of your box, dealing with that discomfort, THAT is when growth happens.

   You hear so much about compromise being the answer to relationships, politics, or whatever, but very little actual follow through. Walking the talk as it were. A person is supposed to have a set opinion, on whatever the topic is, and they are expected to stick to it. If you happen to say "well I don't actually know. I'm learning more about it before I make my decision," it blows people's minds! It really shouldn't since you always hear about making an informed decision, but it does.

   This really makes me wonder if people are listening to what they're saying. Sometimes, I'm inclined to say "no." Sometimes "yes." The real question is, how do you deal with that "gray" area, and the people you have decided to put there? Do they not exist? Do you re-categorize them to get rid of the gray altogether? Do you just leave it be, and not rock the boat?

   Maybe if we got more comfortable with the phrase: "I don't know (and I'm okay with that)" it wouldn't be so hard to wrap our minds around something when it doesn't fit into our preconceptions.

How to Keep it Together at Your Job

Don't Gossip: 
   Especially under the guise of "sharing" what is going on with other people. This also includes those "updates" about people in the office, or individuals surrounding them. We all know that these aren't "just so you know..." It's information sharing at it's tackiest. Reasons being 1) You get a reputation for having a big mouth. 2) You get a reputation for being with or around certain people -other bigmouths.- 3) It's really unprofessional. People will question whether or not they can trust you with information, and you might get left out of something important or really fun. Also, you will inevitably be yapping about something just at the moment your supervisor walks by. Sweet.

Plan Ahead:

   Make a schedule, and write it down. Don't let yourself be caught by surprise on a project that's been in the works for the past two weeks, and you just forgot.

Know Your Consequences: 
   Every action has an equal and opposite reaction (quick name that law...) This holds true in the workplace. If you mess up, you will most likely have a consequence. Knowing your punishments may not stop you from messing up, but it will stop you from messing up on purpose, or being just lazy. At the very least, it can't hurt you.

Spouse/Fling Hunting at Work is Rarely a Good Idea:
   It can seem like a rather good idea. You have similar interests (presumably if you work together.) You get to spend time together during the day! Hurrah! In reality, they are more of a distraction than an enrichment of your life. If there is drama in the relationship, it will inevitably find its way to the office, and involve your coworkers. Bonus- if it doesn't work out, you're stuck working with them! Same goes for hitting on that person who turns you down. How are you supposed to work with them again in a completely professional sense? That never seems to be a consideration in the pondering of the initiator... Never date your boss, no matter how good of an idea it seems to be, and always know the company's policies regarding dating within the workplace. It may just save you a lot of trouble.

Leave Work at Work:
   It's hard on you when work follows you around. You aren't Superman; you can burn out. It is okay to demand, and take a break when it's needed.

Remember: No one is so completely in charge of you so as to give them an excuse to treat you like dirt. You have a right to be treated with dignity at your job. Don't be afraid to speak up, or leave if that isn't happening.

 

Things that the internet is good for:

- Knowing who is on/off the market (Facebook is the most useful.)

- The new job/baby/or significant other of someone. (Important life changes.)

- Stay in touch with people you rarely see (old college buddies, high school friends, old co-workers, etc)

- Stalk, er... research people you just met or would like to meet.

- Plan events, and let people know about said events.

- Learning new things (i.e. how to knit, where the best Italian restaurant is, did my carburetor just die? )

- Advertising. Ick.

- Share creativity through visual media.

- Shop!
- Music. Live and canned.
- Waste time (through any combination of the above mentioned activities.)

The Little White Lie

Oh the joys of the little, or not so little as the case may be, white lie. You know the ones I'm talking about; the ones that you tell to get yourself out of awkward situations. We all do it.

Creepy Suitor: "Hey, want to go get drinks?"

You: "No, I (select one of the following) [have a headache, have homework, am busy, etc.]"

These tracks are easy to cover, especially if you're staying home that night. Most of the time, these lies aren't going to cause any major issue. No one gets hurt, and at the risk of getting philosophical, the most amount of good for the most people is going to result; namely you and your sanity. 

   None of these statements are actually true, but creepy suitor doesn't know that. These lies can also take the form of omission in certain situations, such as not saying 'why' you've decided to end a relationship, who you're going out with on any given night, or even just telling someone the "nice" side of a situation. The main problem that comes around with that one is someone outside the situation always knows more that you want them to. The friend who knows the new guy you're dating, pictures posted by a friend of a friend that places you at the scene of a party when you had a "headache," or the mutual friends who know the entire sordid saga of why you lost your job.

   These omissions may seem like the better thing to do, but they always seem to have a way of coming out into the open, and when they do, someone is going to get hurt. Finding out that you were deceived is one of the worst realizations, and it fosters that feeling of "I want them to hurt worse that I do." Now this is a recipe for success. One angry/hurt/stunned party + one party covering their butt = bad news bears.

   Moral of the story: Lies can hurt much more than the truth. Consider valuing yourself, and others enough to act accordingly. In the balance, all of the trouble, anger, frustration, and potential pain that can be caused, it really isn't worth it most of the time. Do be kind to people in the way you tell them the truth, but if you must cover something up, think about your motivation. Is this for them or you, and if they find out the truth someday, is it going to hurt more?

Rules for Staying Classy Online Part III

11. Unless you are a record producer, you really don't have a right to criticize a musician via YouTube

    Newsflash! They really don't care. If they are signed, it's no skin off their nose if you don't like them. They've got a career. If they aren't signed, unless it is genuine constructive criticism, keep your mouth shut. A lot of people like to hide under the guise of offering advice, when in reality they are just doing their level best to be a jerk. For it to be constructive, you have to listen to more than 10 seconds, more than one song (if there are more,) read what the person says in their bio, and about their song. You're deluding yourself if you think that your mean/offensive/criticizing comment is actually going to make a difference. Don't make assumptions. If they're wrong, and they very likely will be, you're going to look dumb. 

12. The Renegade Patrol.

    These are the people that spend their time on the site(s) watching for meanness, and attempting to stand up for people who are being blown up. You see this a lot on YouTube. It seems like this could be a great idea. Kind-of a "Manners Moderator" if you will. In theory, it would create a better atmosphere on the site, and there would be less mudslinging and unscrupulous viciousness. It is okay to stick up for people who are being picked on, especially online. Just be careful that you don't become the monster that you are trying to defeat. We talk about how horrible and annoying these people and posts are, and yet we just can't wait to stoop to their level. I have a plaque that says "Never argue with a stupid person. First they'll drag you down to their level, and then they'll beat you with experience." Don't let yourself be sucked into the drama of the moment. They don't know you, you don't know them, and the original poster knows neither of you. Cool it.

13. If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

    If you watch, see, or read something you don't like or disagree with, unless you have a strong reason to, and are willing to go about it properly, don't comment. People will stick up for the person being picked on. One of the most common statements is any variation of "Well, I'd like to see you do better." In reality, we don't really want to see you do better. We want you to shut up, and stop posting douchbag comments on videos. I think a lot of the annoyance surrounding these types of posts is the idea that you just had to write something mean. You could have turned it off, not clicked on in, or even better, not written anything at all. No one cares that you didn't like video, song, or photo montage. Keep your nasty comments to yourself.

14. Don't go looking for a fight.

    You will find it, and you will lose. Not because you're incapable, but because there is always someone out there who is smarter, better at writing, more informed, creating better arguments, and they are waiting for you. Not only does it look terrible, but if you have any kind of investment in this conversation, you will be hurt, angry, and/or completely frustrated. It isn't worth it.

15. Anything you write is open to interpretation.

    Sarcasm doesn't translate into writing very well. It's really hard for people to tell when you're actually joking, and when you're being serious (and a jerk.) Most people have had the misfortune to text a friend, and have had to explain a statement. Even if you're not being sarcastic, everything you write is going to be interpreted in the bias of the reader. Online, you have to be willing to take the risk of being picked apart in public for anything you say. Someone can mis-read, just like they can mis-hear, but mostly the problem lies in the history that everyone brings to their browsing experience. It shades how things are read, and shades the statements that can and will be made. You also won't be there all the time to explain exactly what you meant.

16. Don't go sympathy fishing

    This falls under the category of over sharing. Is it okay to share when something devastating is happening? yes. "Pray for my family. My grandma just passed away." Short; sweet; to the point. When you most often see sympathy fishing is in a bad relationship (and a relationship that has most of its drama online.) When all you post about is how difficult, frustrating, or depressing your life is, people are going to feel obligated to make a soothing comment of sympathy. It's okay every once and awhile, but constant is not okay. Call someone,  leave her, or go to therapy if it's that hard. It is also okay to directly contact people if you need help.

17. Keep your romantic relationship drama offline

    No one else needs to see your dirty laundry. When it's good, it can be embarrassing for those around you. When it's bad, sides are drawn, and the battle begins. Inevitably, each member of the dueling party is friends with some of their SO's crew. They are the ones who are waiting for you to screw up, and when you do, and if you feel the need to post something against their friend, it's game over. You will be attacked by a pack of wolves. Your friends, seeing this bloodbath with join the fray in attempts to defend you. This only ends when the original poster deletes all the comments (remember, when something gets a lot of attention, it moves up in the newsfeed...) In the end, all we have are hurt feelings, angry friends, and lots of embarrassment from everybody involved. At least half the time, this situation becomes much more dramatic than the original post. This can also spawn more arguments in the relationship. "Why were your friends so mean to Shawn?" You probably won't know why because the entire battle was fought in your absence, and deleted before you knew what happened.

Things You Should Never Put on Social Networking Sites:

-Details of your romantic relationship: These details can be anything from pet names you have for each other, to preferences you each have, to why you are mad at each other this week. The world doesn't need to know.

-Any personal information: This includes, but isn't limited to credit card and social security numbers (why you would feel the need to post these online is beyond me...) passwords, your home address, and be careful about your email address, and phone numbers. We all know people we don't want to have those.

-Anyone else's personal information: It might seem like a good idea for revenge, but this could balloon way out of proportion very quickly. (Especially if this person is an ex boyfriend, and you just posted his cell phone number in your status signed "He dumped me. This really sucks." Yep, once that disk gets burned, ya can't take it back.)

-Detailed plans of your planned actions for an evening: Two words - Creepy Stalkers. It's just not safe. Don't do it.

-Those duck face pictures: Yah ok, this is for the ladies, and in some cases, I'm using that term lightly. Don't keep posting the "MySpace shots," with the arm out, and a pouty face.

Clothing- Appears to be optional, or partially present/worn.

Make-up- as much as you can cake on (Even in the ones labeled "no make-up.")

Captions- incredibly obvious, and repetitive.

Location- Bathroom, shower stall, or in front of most any mirror.

Hand Position- Peace sign, or something else that you think is "gangsta" or cute.

These pictures get old very quick, and they look like a desperate plea for attention. You don't need to do it, and you certainly don't need to be showing that much skin to everyone you know. Keep it classy, and limit your number of pictures, the amount of skin you're showing for kicks, and what kind of photos they are. Go to dinner with some friends, and post pictures from that. It's a good excuse to get dressed up, and you have some ready-made photographers.

-All the shirtless-ness: Boys! We don't want to see you shirtless, "flexing," and in your bathroom mirror. You look like an arrogant twit. It doesn't matter if you have a model's body, or not. Just keep it to yourself, or if you must post a picture without a shirt, go to the pool, lake, or ocean, and give it some legitimacy. Kay? Thanks.

More Types of People Online!

-The Vomit: This is the one who over shares everything. Just from reading your news-feed you know what they had for breakfast, their hours of work, who they're mad at, and what their plans for the night are. You also know things about them that you sincerely wish you did not.

-The Chronic Updater- These people normally are combinations to be vomiting-chronic updaters. These are the ones that update their status every 10 minutes.

-On the Edge... of a Personal Crisis: Everything with these people is a borderline catastrophe, and they will broadcast how this is making them feel to anyone and everyone they possibly can. Sympathy fishing is usually a necessary fixture here. 

-The Encourager: These are the people who will leave you smiling. They write nice things, to you or other people, and it lifts your heart to know the world is not completely hopeless. 

-The Attention Seeker: Everything that this person does is motivated solely by how much attention they will be able to get for it. It can take the form of certain pictures taken and shared, comments made, status updates, and more. There are no limits for these people.

-The Urban Dictionary: The person who's status is filled with crude slang terms. One must utilize the actual Urban Dictionary to understand the post. You will learn things you wish you hadn't

-The Inspiring/ Religious-Guilt Trip/ Political-Controversy Picture Poster: Need I describe this person anymore?


-The OMG I'm ROTFL: This is that person who won't use a real word when those awesome creepy internet slang terms will do instead. No they aren't really rolling on the floor laughing. They probably aren't even LOL'ing. At best, a snicker. Most likely, they rolled their eyes.

-The Cruise Director: That one person who is always organizing things and events, and inviting everyone they know to them. About 25% of these events will actually happen. The effectiveness of this cruise director varies by the type of event, and who they are inviting. It also depends if people actually like them or not.

-The Smiley: Must put :) after everything. In the ideals of mixing it up every now and then, ;) Does not discriminate in situations when a :) is not really appropriate...

Oh LOL...

LOL: The catch all response. Explanation via text or other media that it was a joke. Filler of awkward silences. Cultural icon.

   You are annoying. We know most of the time, people are lying when they use you. We also all know that one person who feels the need to work you into almost every text message they send. Now you have become a response to non-funny things. Your only function is to make sure someone can actually have the last "word," NOT to express humor. The cultural icon of LOL you have made your way into memes and more, with entire websites devoted to LOL cats and the like. How far the mighty have fallen!

   Okay. I'm done with that. Seriously though, are we incapable of creating a response that contains a subject and a verb? Not in shorthand? I think half of it is laziness, and the other half is a combination of social norms and habit. How it got to be a habit is a completely different story... I don't think it was clever when it first started, and it certainly hasn't gotten any better with age. Unfortunately, I think we're stuck with it.

People are Manipulative

  They only want to be seen in THEIR most positive light. Remember that. Everything they say is always going to be shaded in their favor. Very rarely does anyone get cut out of something "for no reason." There is always a reason; granted the reason may be defined as stupid, ignorant, or otherwise by either party, but that's not the point. It's never "nothing." There is always "something" no matter how small and insignificant it may seem (the way I parted my hair on Monday, that I talked to someone you don't like, etc.) It can also be big things (though they would never tell you that) like they stole something, verbally abused a significant other, lied at their job, or tried to make someone else take the hit for them. Oops.

  This brings me to another point- People who place controls over who you are allowed to see, excepting parents who are raising teenagers who are testing limits and patience, do not deserve to have you in their life. This includes: boyfriends and girlfriends who pitch fits when you talk to someone who isn't them, the aunt who gets mad at you for associating with her sister, and the high school buddy who is trying to hold onto the old clique. You are not responsible for other people's responses to your actions. You ARE responsible for your responses to other people's actions. Bearing that in mind, you are allowed to cut people out of your life if they hurt you or don't make your life better. Why waste your time and energy on people that wouldn't and don't bother for you?

Types of People Online

This is by no means a comprehensive list. More will be in later posts.

-The Nosy One: This person reads everything, and wants to know more. They also ask more questions than you are comfortable answering.

-The Silent Creeper: You don't actually know how many of these you know because they never comment, or otherwise notify you, but they always know what is going on with you. These are the one's that are the most surprising to run into at the grocery store because they want updates... or they just inform you that they've been stalking you online. 

-The Grammar Cop: the one who is always correcting people. Generally, they are correct. Other times... not so much.

-The Wounded One: this one is the person who always seems to be just getting over a breakup. You never know who they were dating, or for how long, but gosh darn it! You will remember their heartbreak.

-The Parent: this is actually a parent. I have heard Pros and Cons to both sides of being FB friends with your parents, and I am still undecided on the whole issue. There is no general rule that applies to everyone. Everything and everyone is an exception.

-The Mr. Collins: (This delineation will amuse Jane Austen fans more than the average person.) This is that person who just can't take a hint that you don't want to talk to them, or even have anything to do with them. Defriending is a start, but this person will send you a new request, under the assumption that it was some odd glitch that you no longer are linked online. Feel free to ignore them.

-The Giver of Advice: what I am pretending to do right now. These people can give good, or bad advice (or a combination of both.) Usually, it's up to you to figure out which is which.

-The Literal One: No figurative language allowed. Don't say "I'm so mad; I could kill someone" when you simply mean that you're frustrated. They may call the cops.

-The Turtle: These are the people that always seem to find out about things long after they happen. (I consider myself to be one of these.) 

-The Paragrapher: All status updates are at least a paragraph long. Most of the time, they really aren't anything interesting. At all.

-The Awk: This is the person who can make you log off your computer simply because you don't know what else to do. All it takes is one remark, or them simply appearing in your sidebar, and the situation becomes more awkward than you know what to do with.

-The Speed demon: This is the person who types all their responses so fast thatyoudon'thavetimetorespondquickenough! Can be highly annoying because by the time you come up with a response, they've changed topics.

Rules for Staying Classy Online Part II

6. Once you've sent it, you can't take it back.

    -All you have to do is post your first thought about a topic, and bingo! the world can now pick you apart! Great. We all seem to suffer from "foot in mouth" syndrome at one time or another, but now it is preserved for posterity's sake. Always think for a couple minutes before you hit the send or enter button. Ask yourself a couple of questions: "Do I need to dignify that with a response?" and "Is my response going to make the situation better?" and always consider, how much space are you giving them in your brain for them to dictate your actions? Are they worthy of that? Make your decisions accordingly. This does tie into number one. It's easier to say something vicious when you don't see who you're saying it to. Don't get caught up in the moment. You may regret it for more than one reason.

7. Nothing is every really "gone" from the internet.

    -Constantly we are told, "anything you say/post online can be seen by anyone." In the past, we could fall back on 1."Well, it's private." 2."My settings are fine." or 3."I know this person." Now, 1. Not so much, 2. No they aren't, and 3. You may not as well as you may think. And people are also starting to realize/remember that anything you put online, is never really "gone." You can hit delete, hide, or store, but it isn't going to make that much of a difference. There are too many escape hatches for our communications to slide into. Anything that you send at any point could potentially be dredged up again, by anyone; friend or foe. Be careful. Do you want your statements to come to light 15 years down the road? Will you be proud?

8. If you spam people with postings, no one will pay attention.

    -This means constantly cluttering up your wall so it keeps showing up in the newsfeed with links, articles, pictures, etc the are from your favorite cause (pro/ anti,)  one of several things will happen. One- At the least, people will start ignoring everything you post, and as such, your attempts to rally behind your cause will lose any effect they once had. "Oh that's just Edwin. He always posts junk. Ignore it." Two- "Oh Edwin, you are very annoyingly clogging my newsfeed. I am blocking your posts." Be careful on your soapbox; you may not be reaching the audience you intend or even anyone at all for that matter.

9. Not everything you read is personal.

    -This is where most of the mudslinging starts. Someone takes offense to something (whether or not they are the intended target of the statement is irrelevant) and jumps on the defensive, usually by calling the other person a stupid jerk, or any variation of that categorization; profanity optional. This immediately puts the other person in a place of trying to either defend their statement, or their integrity. (did I mention this is in a public forum?) Now we have supporters of each side joining in, and all sense of decorum is tossed out the window. If it were taking place in person, with the same amount of venom, we can safely say it would be a barroom brawl. Age doesn't seem to matter in these things. I have seen "adults" revert to name-calling (sneakily or not so sneakily), and quite often call each other "uninformed," "stupid," "biased (imagine that...)," and "closed-minded." Hello pot, it's me kettle. I want my color back. 

10. Curse words don't necessarily add anything to your writing style.

    -Every once and awhile, I run across a post that has nothing but vulgarities (or every other word is.) I won't pretend to sit on my throne above the mortals and say that I never swear, but it has to be a good reason (i.e. I just slammed my finger in the door, and the first word out of my mouth is S***!)  A lot of these words are not intrinsically bad. My personal opinion is that they are crass and not necessary. I have a problem when these words become fillers. The occasional curse word can add emphasis. If they become normal in use, they lose any sort of emphatic effectiveness, and make people not want to read or listen to you. You have just lost your audience, not to mention you sound like you don't value their time, or your own (considering that you took the time to write them out...) 

Rules for Staying Classy Online Part I

1. Don't post anything that you wouldn't say to someone's face.

    -The luxury of disconnect has damaged our ability to gracefully have a disagreement with someone. The fact that we don't see our foe on the other end of the discussion opens all kinds of doors for us to say things that we may, or may not, really mean, in a really nasty way. The internet allows us to have a sense on anonymity, which can foster lots of negative comments, but even in forums where people are identified by their real names, mudslinging and passive aggressiveness runs rampant. Just because you're typing it does not give you an excuse to have bad manners.

2. Don't use the internet to passive-aggressively call someone out (or text message, or twitter, etc.)

    -This ties into number one. If you don't have the guts to call someone out in person, not in public, but in an actual conversation, you don't have any right to make it a public affair. Try: "Hey Elly, when you said___________ last week, it made me feel like you didn't care about my opinion because_________." Not: *status update* "Some people in this world should keep their mouths shut because no one wants to hear your opinion when you don't value others'!" Yep. That's subtle. Extra points to you if you are friends with the person you're directing the statement at. (You get 2 extra points for how uncomfortable everyone is at reading your post) The discomfort stems from some people knowing which mutual friend you are targeting. Bonus: Elly may not even know that you are talking about her, and the wrong person could take up the cause (i.e. they think you're talking about them, their mother, their little brother, etc.) Good luck getting out of that mess...

3. Your profile is not your diary

    -Contrary to what you think, we don't really want to know what you had for breakfast, what your boyfriend wore to dinner (and why you're mad about it,) or why your parents suck. Granted this sounds like complete teenage angst, but this applies to all age groups. Adults posting pictures of the number of beer bottles on their table, announcing that they have "the most ungrateful children/friends/family," or how their last meal affected their digestion is just as bad. I'm exaggerating a bit, but you get the idea. A person should maintain an aspect of themselves in mystery. Problem: we like to talk about ourselves, and we have a captive and waiting audience. We must share everything. Be courteous about what and how much you post. It is very possible that some people are uncomfortable with how personal some of your posts are.

4. People aren't waiting with bated breath for you to update your profile.

   - The whole world does not revolve around you. We don't actually care. Sorry.

5. Nasty comments have a way of coming back to haunt you.

    -People aren't terribly forgiving when they can go back and read the conversation that ticked them off in the first place. Now we have a word for word transcript online. Instead of going: "I was so mad an Janet. What was that about?" We remember we are mad at Janet, go read the conversation, and get mad all over again. We as humans say stupid stuff. I don't want to know how many relationships have been irreparably broken because now we can relive our friend's and acquaintances moments of stupidity. We expect people to extend us some grace in our actions, so the least we can do is extend it to those around us.