Saturday, August 11, 2012

Rules for Staying Classy Online Part III

11. Unless you are a record producer, you really don't have a right to criticize a musician via YouTube
    Newsflash! They really don't care. If they are signed, it's no skin off their nose if you don't like them. They've got a career. If they aren't signed, unless it is genuine constructive criticism, keep your mouth shut. A lot of people like to hide under the guise of offering advice, when in reality they are just doing their level best to be a jerk. For it to be constructive, you have to listen to more than 10 seconds, more than one song (if there are more,) read what the person says in their bio, and about their song. You're deluding yourself if you think that your mean/offensive/criticizing comment is actually going to make a difference. Don't make assumptions. If they're wrong, and they very likely will be, you're going to look dumb. 

12. The Renegade Patrol.
    These are the people that spend their time on the site(s) watching for meanness, and attempting to stand up for people who are being blown up. You see this a lot on YouTube. It seems like this could be a great idea. Kind-of a "Manners Moderator" if you will. In theory, it would create a better atmosphere on the site, and there would be less mudslinging and unscrupulous viciousness. It is okay to stick up for people who are being picked on, especially online. Just be careful that you don't become the monster that you are trying to defeat. We talk about how horrible and annoying these people and posts are, and yet we just can't wait to stoop to their level. I have a plaque that says "Never argue with a stupid person. First they'll drag you down to their level, and then they'll beat you with experience." Don't let yourself be sucked into the drama of the moment. They don't know you, you don't know them, and the original poster knows neither of you. Cool it.

13. If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.
    If you watch, see, or read something you don't like or disagree with, unless you have a strong reason to, and are willing to go about it properly, don't comment. People will stick up for the person being picked on. One of the most common statements is any variation of "Well, I'd like to see you do better." In reality, we don't really want to see you do better. We want you to shut up, and stop posting douchbag comments on videos. I think a lot of the annoyance surrounding these types of posts is the idea that you just had to write something mean. You could have turned it off, not clicked on in, or even better, not written anything at all. No one cares that you didn't like video, song, or photo montage. Keep your nasty comments to yourself.

14. Don't go looking for a fight.
    You will find it, and you will lose. Not because you're incapable, but because there is always someone out there who is smarter, better at writing, more informed, creating better arguments, and they are waiting for you. Not only does it look terrible, but if you have any kind of investment in this conversation, you will be hurt, angry, and/or completely frustrated. It isn't worth it.

15. Anything you write is open to interpretation.
    Sarcasm doesn't translate into writing very well. It's really hard for people to tell when you're actually joking, and when you're being serious (and a jerk.) Most people have had the misfortune to text a friend, and have had to explain a statement. Even if you're not being sarcastic, everything you write is going to be interpreted in the bias of the reader. Online, you have to be willing to take the risk of being picked apart in public for anything you say. Someone can mis-read, just like they can mis-hear, but mostly the problem lies in the history that everyone brings to their browsing experience. It shades how things are read, and shades the statements that can and will be made. You also won't be there all the time to explain exactly what you meant.

16. Don't go sympathy fishing
    This falls under the category of over sharing. Is it okay to share when something devastating is happening? yes. "Pray for my family. My grandma just passed away." Short; sweet; to the point. When you most often see sympathy fishing is in a bad relationship (and a relationship that has most of its drama online.) When all you post about is how difficult, frustrating, or depressing your life is, people are going to feel obligated to make a soothing comment of sympathy. It's okay every once and awhile, but constant is not okay. Call someone,  leave her, or go to therapy if it's that hard. It is also okay to directly contact people if you need help.

17. Keep your romantic relationship drama offline
    No one else needs to see your dirty laundry. When it's good, it can be embarrassing for those around you. When it's bad, sides are drawn, and the battle begins. Inevitably, each member of the dueling party is friends with some of their SO's crew. They are the ones who are waiting for you to screw up, and when you do, and if you feel the need to post something against their friend, it's game over. You will be attacked by a pack of wolves. Your friends, seeing this bloodbath with join the fray in attempts to defend you. This only ends when the original poster deletes all the comments (remember, when something gets a lot of attention, it moves up in the newsfeed...) In the end, all we have are hurt feelings, angry friends, and lots of embarrassment from everybody involved. At least half the time, this situation becomes much more dramatic than the original post. This can also spawn more arguments in the relationship. "Why were your friends so mean to Shawn?" You probably won't know why because the entire battle was fought in your absence, and deleted before you knew what happened.

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