Overexposed

     We live in a world that seems to thrive on overexposure. People want to be famous. They want to have everyone hang onto their every word. Everyone needs to know their name, even if it's only for those 15 seconds. Are they looking for meaning? Purpose? Validation perhaps? What are they going to do with those 15 seconds? Anything worthwhile? Nope. They milk it for all it's worth, and desperately hang on to it with their fingernails as it starts to slip away. When it's over, they are stunned to find that they are no better off, no happier, and no more fulfilled than they were when they were a mere mortal; unknown. It happens again and again, and yet we are surprised at every story we read about some other person getting lost in the shuffle, and falling off the deep end when they get there. 

Don't Announce Everything to the World

    Keep a little something to yourself, or a lot of something. This is one of my largest flaws. I broadcast pretty much everything. It's useful in a way because the people around me are never left in doubt of what I'm thinking, or feeling. It's not useful always because I don't want people all knowing what's going on in my brain. I don't always say what's going on, but my body language isn't good at concealing anything. If I'm tired, it shows in my eyes. If I'm sad, the way I carry myself changes. People know what I'm going to have for lunch, and if I have plans for the weekend. If people ask me a question about myself, I can pretty much guarantee that they will learn more than they needed to. I also have a tendency to think out loud, and forget that other people can hear me. I wish I didn't though. If there is no sense of mystery, no sense of unknown, how do I make sure that I stay relevant to people in my life?
    That being said, I only share the things that I don't carry really close to my heart. Somehow, I'm able to filter certain things out of my "outside voice." I think that there are certain aspects of ourselves that we keep from the world because they are so intrinsic to how we define ourselves, we cannot trust anyone else with them. I know from my experiences that sometimes if we do share a part of ourselves, we are in no way guaranteed that someone else will value it as much as we hope they do. When they don't, we get hurt. Badly. Then we think twice before we give someone else that same or a different part. It's self protection. I am also pretty good at playing up aspects of myself for entertainment. I'm actually an introvert, but if I'm in a group of people, I find it fairly easy to put on a show. Small groups and large groups get slightly different versions, but the idea is the same. I know what is going to be positively received, in society, and because of the people I tend to be around, I know what sorts of things many of them will find entertaining. That is what I amplify in those situations. It seems a little deceptive to filter things that way, but then again, if it's something that you don't share with anyone, I don't think it really counts.
   I think a part of why I still do it comes from the knowledge of how to read people after I share certain things. Somehow, reading their response creates a sense of awareness, and even if they don't overshare like I do, I still know a part of what's going on in their head. That knowledge is comforting to me, especially if I'm in a group. I know what's going on.
    I started a test awhile ago, and it was a long range attempt to keep more "stuff" to myself. 1) Try to let someone else prompt what gets shared. 2) Remind yourself that not everyone cares. 3) Be okay with people not knowing, and in return, not knowing what people think about you. As I'm working on it, the rules change, and I have to adapt my approach. This is also influenced by the fact that I'm a young adult in a shifting world, and I'm trying to be seen a certain way, while still building relationships. I'm not done yet, and I don't think I ever will be...