What do you do when you trip and bruise your ego? How do you stop feeling pathetic after that person who hurt you doesn't seem to miss you quite as much as you wish they did? I think our first instinct(s) can be "I want them back and I'll do anything," "I never want to hear from them again," "or "I want them to miss me, and miss me big." Most of the time, it's a combination of the above. It's rough when it doesn't turn out the way you wanted it to; when they seem to be doing much better than you wished. It's petty I know, but it's also true. We want to be reminded that we are not alone in our little corner of suffering.
Revenge is a powerful motivator, and I would be lying if I said I'm not feeling it right now. I hurt, and my hurting makes me want them to hurt too. I don't want to be alone in the way that I feel, but it doesn't do a whole bunch when you have no idea what's going on in their head. Do they regret it? Do they even feel bad? Are they sorry? That text message of "I miss you," can do more to bolster your ego than anyone really wants to admit. Whether we want them back, or no burning fire of hell could convince us, there is a certain power that comes from that knowledge. I know that my feeling this way has to do with my wish for control and not having it. It sounds stereotypical and silly. I know that, but I can't help it. I feel like screaming "don't you miss me?!? Did I mean so little to you that you let me go with such apparent little thought? Why can't you apologize, and no, things can't go back to the way they were. We're past that!"
I have realized that every single relationship I've been in, I've been waiting. Waiting for them to finish something; to accomplish something. I have sat in the background every time being a cheerleader; understanding, supportive, and more than a little passive. I put my needs last because "they can't handle it right now," and if I tell them it's important, I know it'll get ignored. Someone did try a little to make me a priority, but when the deadline came up, he told me he couldn't continue. He had plans, and they didn't include me. Come to think of it, all of them had plans that didn't include me. They accomplish something, and decide they don't need me anymore. That's really hard. When you invest in someone because you care, it hurts to get that thrown back into your face. I'm learning that I'm not as resilient as I'd like to think I am. As someone who tries to be self-reliant, it's a bitter pill to swallow that I am hurt so easily. I don't do things halfway. I jump in with both feet, so by the time I realize that the water isn't safe, I'm already past the point where I can protect my heart. I'm not sure if this is a flaw, or a strength... or perhaps it's both?
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Skanky Halloween Costumes: WHAT???
This post is late. It was going to go up right after Halloween, but obviously that didn't happen. Better late than never.
I went to the costume section this year. I needed wings. I could get into how cheap costumes are being made now, but that's a different rant about quality control. I'm more concerned about the amount of skin women, and yes now young girls are being forced to show. Oh crap.
Halloween used to be about creativity; what your friends, parents, or sibling could pull out of the magic of someone's closet, and create a character to help you rake in the candy. Even now, as an adult, I love Halloween. What other day of the year can you wear feather wings, feathers in your hair, and a mask, and no one raises an eyebrow except to confirm that you are indeed, a bird.
The sexualization of women everywhere. Yes, you can roll your eyes. "She's one of them!" but I challenge you to find me a Halloween costume for a woman that isn't showing at least 3/4 of her legs, or doesn't have the model on the package giving you a "come hither" glance. That is going to be a very small pile. Even little girl's costumes are overtly sexy. Why? Do they sell better? No clue, but seeing as they are the only options available, duh! And it isn't a valid measure anyway if that's the only variable.
As for practical, I live in MN. These costumes do not cut it. At all. Halloween around here does not lend itself to warm weather, and as a result, most costumes are REALLY uncomfortable. Granted once you get to the party place, you would probably be fine, but walking there can be really awful. You can't move very easily in most of these costumes, so what good is that? No party games? LAME!
It's not fair that we ladies are being expected to fit into a small box of appearances. If we want to dress sexy for Halloween, great! It's actually the one day of the year that normal girls can dress like sluts and not get judged for it (as much...) But let's give the world some options shall we? and I mean, good options. Maybe I want to be a mime, or a really awesome zombie (because... well.. pub crawls!) but someone decided that the mime's outfit is going to be tight and short. She might be a really good mime, but we won't know because she is trapped in this little bitty costume. Serious loss here people.
I went to the costume section this year. I needed wings. I could get into how cheap costumes are being made now, but that's a different rant about quality control. I'm more concerned about the amount of skin women, and yes now young girls are being forced to show. Oh crap.
Halloween used to be about creativity; what your friends, parents, or sibling could pull out of the magic of someone's closet, and create a character to help you rake in the candy. Even now, as an adult, I love Halloween. What other day of the year can you wear feather wings, feathers in your hair, and a mask, and no one raises an eyebrow except to confirm that you are indeed, a bird.
The sexualization of women everywhere. Yes, you can roll your eyes. "She's one of them!" but I challenge you to find me a Halloween costume for a woman that isn't showing at least 3/4 of her legs, or doesn't have the model on the package giving you a "come hither" glance. That is going to be a very small pile. Even little girl's costumes are overtly sexy. Why? Do they sell better? No clue, but seeing as they are the only options available, duh! And it isn't a valid measure anyway if that's the only variable.
As for practical, I live in MN. These costumes do not cut it. At all. Halloween around here does not lend itself to warm weather, and as a result, most costumes are REALLY uncomfortable. Granted once you get to the party place, you would probably be fine, but walking there can be really awful. You can't move very easily in most of these costumes, so what good is that? No party games? LAME!
It's not fair that we ladies are being expected to fit into a small box of appearances. If we want to dress sexy for Halloween, great! It's actually the one day of the year that normal girls can dress like sluts and not get judged for it (as much...) But let's give the world some options shall we? and I mean, good options. Maybe I want to be a mime, or a really awesome zombie (because... well.. pub crawls!) but someone decided that the mime's outfit is going to be tight and short. She might be a really good mime, but we won't know because she is trapped in this little bitty costume. Serious loss here people.
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