People are Manipulative

  They only want to be seen in THEIR most positive light. Remember that. Everything they say is always going to be shaded in their favor. Very rarely does anyone get cut out of something "for no reason." There is always a reason; granted the reason may be defined as stupid, ignorant, or otherwise by either party, but that's not the point. It's never "nothing." There is always "something" no matter how small and insignificant it may seem (the way I parted my hair on Monday, that I talked to someone you don't like, etc.) It can also be big things (though they would never tell you that) like they stole something, verbally abused a significant other, lied at their job, or tried to make someone else take the hit for them. Oops.

  This brings me to another point- People who place controls over who you are allowed to see, excepting parents who are raising teenagers who are testing limits and patience, do not deserve to have you in their life. This includes: boyfriends and girlfriends who pitch fits when you talk to someone who isn't them, the aunt who gets mad at you for associating with her sister, and the high school buddy who is trying to hold onto the old clique. You are not responsible for other people's responses to your actions. You ARE responsible for your responses to other people's actions. Bearing that in mind, you are allowed to cut people out of your life if they hurt you or don't make your life better. Why waste your time and energy on people that wouldn't and don't bother for you?

Types of People Online

This is by no means a comprehensive list. More will be in later posts.

-The Nosy One: This person reads everything, and wants to know more. They also ask more questions than you are comfortable answering.

-The Silent Creeper: You don't actually know how many of these you know because they never comment, or otherwise notify you, but they always know what is going on with you. These are the one's that are the most surprising to run into at the grocery store because they want updates... or they just inform you that they've been stalking you online. 

-The Grammar Cop: the one who is always correcting people. Generally, they are correct. Other times... not so much.

-The Wounded One: this one is the person who always seems to be just getting over a breakup. You never know who they were dating, or for how long, but gosh darn it! You will remember their heartbreak.

-The Parent: this is actually a parent. I have heard Pros and Cons to both sides of being FB friends with your parents, and I am still undecided on the whole issue. There is no general rule that applies to everyone. Everything and everyone is an exception.

-The Mr. Collins: (This delineation will amuse Jane Austen fans more than the average person.) This is that person who just can't take a hint that you don't want to talk to them, or even have anything to do with them. Defriending is a start, but this person will send you a new request, under the assumption that it was some odd glitch that you no longer are linked online. Feel free to ignore them.

-The Giver of Advice: what I am pretending to do right now. These people can give good, or bad advice (or a combination of both.) Usually, it's up to you to figure out which is which.

-The Literal One: No figurative language allowed. Don't say "I'm so mad; I could kill someone" when you simply mean that you're frustrated. They may call the cops.

-The Turtle: These are the people that always seem to find out about things long after they happen. (I consider myself to be one of these.) 

-The Paragrapher: All status updates are at least a paragraph long. Most of the time, they really aren't anything interesting. At all.

-The Awk: This is the person who can make you log off your computer simply because you don't know what else to do. All it takes is one remark, or them simply appearing in your sidebar, and the situation becomes more awkward than you know what to do with.

-The Speed demon: This is the person who types all their responses so fast thatyoudon'thavetimetorespondquickenough! Can be highly annoying because by the time you come up with a response, they've changed topics.

Rules for Staying Classy Online Part II

6. Once you've sent it, you can't take it back.

    -All you have to do is post your first thought about a topic, and bingo! the world can now pick you apart! Great. We all seem to suffer from "foot in mouth" syndrome at one time or another, but now it is preserved for posterity's sake. Always think for a couple minutes before you hit the send or enter button. Ask yourself a couple of questions: "Do I need to dignify that with a response?" and "Is my response going to make the situation better?" and always consider, how much space are you giving them in your brain for them to dictate your actions? Are they worthy of that? Make your decisions accordingly. This does tie into number one. It's easier to say something vicious when you don't see who you're saying it to. Don't get caught up in the moment. You may regret it for more than one reason.

7. Nothing is every really "gone" from the internet.

    -Constantly we are told, "anything you say/post online can be seen by anyone." In the past, we could fall back on 1."Well, it's private." 2."My settings are fine." or 3."I know this person." Now, 1. Not so much, 2. No they aren't, and 3. You may not as well as you may think. And people are also starting to realize/remember that anything you put online, is never really "gone." You can hit delete, hide, or store, but it isn't going to make that much of a difference. There are too many escape hatches for our communications to slide into. Anything that you send at any point could potentially be dredged up again, by anyone; friend or foe. Be careful. Do you want your statements to come to light 15 years down the road? Will you be proud?

8. If you spam people with postings, no one will pay attention.

    -This means constantly cluttering up your wall so it keeps showing up in the newsfeed with links, articles, pictures, etc the are from your favorite cause (pro/ anti,)  one of several things will happen. One- At the least, people will start ignoring everything you post, and as such, your attempts to rally behind your cause will lose any effect they once had. "Oh that's just Edwin. He always posts junk. Ignore it." Two- "Oh Edwin, you are very annoyingly clogging my newsfeed. I am blocking your posts." Be careful on your soapbox; you may not be reaching the audience you intend or even anyone at all for that matter.

9. Not everything you read is personal.

    -This is where most of the mudslinging starts. Someone takes offense to something (whether or not they are the intended target of the statement is irrelevant) and jumps on the defensive, usually by calling the other person a stupid jerk, or any variation of that categorization; profanity optional. This immediately puts the other person in a place of trying to either defend their statement, or their integrity. (did I mention this is in a public forum?) Now we have supporters of each side joining in, and all sense of decorum is tossed out the window. If it were taking place in person, with the same amount of venom, we can safely say it would be a barroom brawl. Age doesn't seem to matter in these things. I have seen "adults" revert to name-calling (sneakily or not so sneakily), and quite often call each other "uninformed," "stupid," "biased (imagine that...)," and "closed-minded." Hello pot, it's me kettle. I want my color back. 

10. Curse words don't necessarily add anything to your writing style.

    -Every once and awhile, I run across a post that has nothing but vulgarities (or every other word is.) I won't pretend to sit on my throne above the mortals and say that I never swear, but it has to be a good reason (i.e. I just slammed my finger in the door, and the first word out of my mouth is S***!)  A lot of these words are not intrinsically bad. My personal opinion is that they are crass and not necessary. I have a problem when these words become fillers. The occasional curse word can add emphasis. If they become normal in use, they lose any sort of emphatic effectiveness, and make people not want to read or listen to you. You have just lost your audience, not to mention you sound like you don't value their time, or your own (considering that you took the time to write them out...) 

Rules for Staying Classy Online Part I

1. Don't post anything that you wouldn't say to someone's face.

    -The luxury of disconnect has damaged our ability to gracefully have a disagreement with someone. The fact that we don't see our foe on the other end of the discussion opens all kinds of doors for us to say things that we may, or may not, really mean, in a really nasty way. The internet allows us to have a sense on anonymity, which can foster lots of negative comments, but even in forums where people are identified by their real names, mudslinging and passive aggressiveness runs rampant. Just because you're typing it does not give you an excuse to have bad manners.

2. Don't use the internet to passive-aggressively call someone out (or text message, or twitter, etc.)

    -This ties into number one. If you don't have the guts to call someone out in person, not in public, but in an actual conversation, you don't have any right to make it a public affair. Try: "Hey Elly, when you said___________ last week, it made me feel like you didn't care about my opinion because_________." Not: *status update* "Some people in this world should keep their mouths shut because no one wants to hear your opinion when you don't value others'!" Yep. That's subtle. Extra points to you if you are friends with the person you're directing the statement at. (You get 2 extra points for how uncomfortable everyone is at reading your post) The discomfort stems from some people knowing which mutual friend you are targeting. Bonus: Elly may not even know that you are talking about her, and the wrong person could take up the cause (i.e. they think you're talking about them, their mother, their little brother, etc.) Good luck getting out of that mess...

3. Your profile is not your diary

    -Contrary to what you think, we don't really want to know what you had for breakfast, what your boyfriend wore to dinner (and why you're mad about it,) or why your parents suck. Granted this sounds like complete teenage angst, but this applies to all age groups. Adults posting pictures of the number of beer bottles on their table, announcing that they have "the most ungrateful children/friends/family," or how their last meal affected their digestion is just as bad. I'm exaggerating a bit, but you get the idea. A person should maintain an aspect of themselves in mystery. Problem: we like to talk about ourselves, and we have a captive and waiting audience. We must share everything. Be courteous about what and how much you post. It is very possible that some people are uncomfortable with how personal some of your posts are.

4. People aren't waiting with bated breath for you to update your profile.

   - The whole world does not revolve around you. We don't actually care. Sorry.

5. Nasty comments have a way of coming back to haunt you.

    -People aren't terribly forgiving when they can go back and read the conversation that ticked them off in the first place. Now we have a word for word transcript online. Instead of going: "I was so mad an Janet. What was that about?" We remember we are mad at Janet, go read the conversation, and get mad all over again. We as humans say stupid stuff. I don't want to know how many relationships have been irreparably broken because now we can relive our friend's and acquaintances moments of stupidity. We expect people to extend us some grace in our actions, so the least we can do is extend it to those around us.