What's the Matter with Gray?

   There is very little comfort in the world today with gray area. Everything has to be black or white. One's life must all fit into a nice neat little box. If it doesn't, people blame you, and your lack of decision making skills, or whatever your fault is that week. We so dearly like to organize things, and put them in their "proper" place (when in doubt, look at the organizing section of a chain store, and count the number of ways you can store your shoes.) We are at loss about what to do if we can't make something from our life or relationships fit into a box. (Imagine that: Something as diverse, and fluid as life not fitting into a box...) It makes us uncomfortable. What many people miss though, is that when you are outside of your box, dealing with that discomfort, THAT is when growth happens.

   You hear so much about compromise being the answer to relationships, politics, or whatever, but very little actual follow through. Walking the talk as it were. A person is supposed to have a set opinion, on whatever the topic is, and they are expected to stick to it. If you happen to say "well I don't actually know. I'm learning more about it before I make my decision," it blows people's minds! It really shouldn't since you always hear about making an informed decision, but it does.

   This really makes me wonder if people are listening to what they're saying. Sometimes, I'm inclined to say "no." Sometimes "yes." The real question is, how do you deal with that "gray" area, and the people you have decided to put there? Do they not exist? Do you re-categorize them to get rid of the gray altogether? Do you just leave it be, and not rock the boat?

   Maybe if we got more comfortable with the phrase: "I don't know (and I'm okay with that)" it wouldn't be so hard to wrap our minds around something when it doesn't fit into our preconceptions.

How to Keep it Together at Your Job

Don't Gossip: 
   Especially under the guise of "sharing" what is going on with other people. This also includes those "updates" about people in the office, or individuals surrounding them. We all know that these aren't "just so you know..." It's information sharing at it's tackiest. Reasons being 1) You get a reputation for having a big mouth. 2) You get a reputation for being with or around certain people -other bigmouths.- 3) It's really unprofessional. People will question whether or not they can trust you with information, and you might get left out of something important or really fun. Also, you will inevitably be yapping about something just at the moment your supervisor walks by. Sweet.

Plan Ahead:

   Make a schedule, and write it down. Don't let yourself be caught by surprise on a project that's been in the works for the past two weeks, and you just forgot.

Know Your Consequences: 
   Every action has an equal and opposite reaction (quick name that law...) This holds true in the workplace. If you mess up, you will most likely have a consequence. Knowing your punishments may not stop you from messing up, but it will stop you from messing up on purpose, or being just lazy. At the very least, it can't hurt you.

Spouse/Fling Hunting at Work is Rarely a Good Idea:
   It can seem like a rather good idea. You have similar interests (presumably if you work together.) You get to spend time together during the day! Hurrah! In reality, they are more of a distraction than an enrichment of your life. If there is drama in the relationship, it will inevitably find its way to the office, and involve your coworkers. Bonus- if it doesn't work out, you're stuck working with them! Same goes for hitting on that person who turns you down. How are you supposed to work with them again in a completely professional sense? That never seems to be a consideration in the pondering of the initiator... Never date your boss, no matter how good of an idea it seems to be, and always know the company's policies regarding dating within the workplace. It may just save you a lot of trouble.

Leave Work at Work:
   It's hard on you when work follows you around. You aren't Superman; you can burn out. It is okay to demand, and take a break when it's needed.

Remember: No one is so completely in charge of you so as to give them an excuse to treat you like dirt. You have a right to be treated with dignity at your job. Don't be afraid to speak up, or leave if that isn't happening.

 

Things that the internet is good for:

- Knowing who is on/off the market (Facebook is the most useful.)

- The new job/baby/or significant other of someone. (Important life changes.)

- Stay in touch with people you rarely see (old college buddies, high school friends, old co-workers, etc)

- Stalk, er... research people you just met or would like to meet.

- Plan events, and let people know about said events.

- Learning new things (i.e. how to knit, where the best Italian restaurant is, did my carburetor just die? )

- Advertising. Ick.

- Share creativity through visual media.

- Shop!
- Music. Live and canned.
- Waste time (through any combination of the above mentioned activities.)

The Little White Lie

Oh the joys of the little, or not so little as the case may be, white lie. You know the ones I'm talking about; the ones that you tell to get yourself out of awkward situations. We all do it.

Creepy Suitor: "Hey, want to go get drinks?"

You: "No, I (select one of the following) [have a headache, have homework, am busy, etc.]"

These tracks are easy to cover, especially if you're staying home that night. Most of the time, these lies aren't going to cause any major issue. No one gets hurt, and at the risk of getting philosophical, the most amount of good for the most people is going to result; namely you and your sanity. 

   None of these statements are actually true, but creepy suitor doesn't know that. These lies can also take the form of omission in certain situations, such as not saying 'why' you've decided to end a relationship, who you're going out with on any given night, or even just telling someone the "nice" side of a situation. The main problem that comes around with that one is someone outside the situation always knows more that you want them to. The friend who knows the new guy you're dating, pictures posted by a friend of a friend that places you at the scene of a party when you had a "headache," or the mutual friends who know the entire sordid saga of why you lost your job.

   These omissions may seem like the better thing to do, but they always seem to have a way of coming out into the open, and when they do, someone is going to get hurt. Finding out that you were deceived is one of the worst realizations, and it fosters that feeling of "I want them to hurt worse that I do." Now this is a recipe for success. One angry/hurt/stunned party + one party covering their butt = bad news bears.

   Moral of the story: Lies can hurt much more than the truth. Consider valuing yourself, and others enough to act accordingly. In the balance, all of the trouble, anger, frustration, and potential pain that can be caused, it really isn't worth it most of the time. Do be kind to people in the way you tell them the truth, but if you must cover something up, think about your motivation. Is this for them or you, and if they find out the truth someday, is it going to hurt more?

Rules for Staying Classy Online Part III

11. Unless you are a record producer, you really don't have a right to criticize a musician via YouTube

    Newsflash! They really don't care. If they are signed, it's no skin off their nose if you don't like them. They've got a career. If they aren't signed, unless it is genuine constructive criticism, keep your mouth shut. A lot of people like to hide under the guise of offering advice, when in reality they are just doing their level best to be a jerk. For it to be constructive, you have to listen to more than 10 seconds, more than one song (if there are more,) read what the person says in their bio, and about their song. You're deluding yourself if you think that your mean/offensive/criticizing comment is actually going to make a difference. Don't make assumptions. If they're wrong, and they very likely will be, you're going to look dumb. 

12. The Renegade Patrol.

    These are the people that spend their time on the site(s) watching for meanness, and attempting to stand up for people who are being blown up. You see this a lot on YouTube. It seems like this could be a great idea. Kind-of a "Manners Moderator" if you will. In theory, it would create a better atmosphere on the site, and there would be less mudslinging and unscrupulous viciousness. It is okay to stick up for people who are being picked on, especially online. Just be careful that you don't become the monster that you are trying to defeat. We talk about how horrible and annoying these people and posts are, and yet we just can't wait to stoop to their level. I have a plaque that says "Never argue with a stupid person. First they'll drag you down to their level, and then they'll beat you with experience." Don't let yourself be sucked into the drama of the moment. They don't know you, you don't know them, and the original poster knows neither of you. Cool it.

13. If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

    If you watch, see, or read something you don't like or disagree with, unless you have a strong reason to, and are willing to go about it properly, don't comment. People will stick up for the person being picked on. One of the most common statements is any variation of "Well, I'd like to see you do better." In reality, we don't really want to see you do better. We want you to shut up, and stop posting douchbag comments on videos. I think a lot of the annoyance surrounding these types of posts is the idea that you just had to write something mean. You could have turned it off, not clicked on in, or even better, not written anything at all. No one cares that you didn't like video, song, or photo montage. Keep your nasty comments to yourself.

14. Don't go looking for a fight.

    You will find it, and you will lose. Not because you're incapable, but because there is always someone out there who is smarter, better at writing, more informed, creating better arguments, and they are waiting for you. Not only does it look terrible, but if you have any kind of investment in this conversation, you will be hurt, angry, and/or completely frustrated. It isn't worth it.

15. Anything you write is open to interpretation.

    Sarcasm doesn't translate into writing very well. It's really hard for people to tell when you're actually joking, and when you're being serious (and a jerk.) Most people have had the misfortune to text a friend, and have had to explain a statement. Even if you're not being sarcastic, everything you write is going to be interpreted in the bias of the reader. Online, you have to be willing to take the risk of being picked apart in public for anything you say. Someone can mis-read, just like they can mis-hear, but mostly the problem lies in the history that everyone brings to their browsing experience. It shades how things are read, and shades the statements that can and will be made. You also won't be there all the time to explain exactly what you meant.

16. Don't go sympathy fishing

    This falls under the category of over sharing. Is it okay to share when something devastating is happening? yes. "Pray for my family. My grandma just passed away." Short; sweet; to the point. When you most often see sympathy fishing is in a bad relationship (and a relationship that has most of its drama online.) When all you post about is how difficult, frustrating, or depressing your life is, people are going to feel obligated to make a soothing comment of sympathy. It's okay every once and awhile, but constant is not okay. Call someone,  leave her, or go to therapy if it's that hard. It is also okay to directly contact people if you need help.

17. Keep your romantic relationship drama offline

    No one else needs to see your dirty laundry. When it's good, it can be embarrassing for those around you. When it's bad, sides are drawn, and the battle begins. Inevitably, each member of the dueling party is friends with some of their SO's crew. They are the ones who are waiting for you to screw up, and when you do, and if you feel the need to post something against their friend, it's game over. You will be attacked by a pack of wolves. Your friends, seeing this bloodbath with join the fray in attempts to defend you. This only ends when the original poster deletes all the comments (remember, when something gets a lot of attention, it moves up in the newsfeed...) In the end, all we have are hurt feelings, angry friends, and lots of embarrassment from everybody involved. At least half the time, this situation becomes much more dramatic than the original post. This can also spawn more arguments in the relationship. "Why were your friends so mean to Shawn?" You probably won't know why because the entire battle was fought in your absence, and deleted before you knew what happened.

Things You Should Never Put on Social Networking Sites:

-Details of your romantic relationship: These details can be anything from pet names you have for each other, to preferences you each have, to why you are mad at each other this week. The world doesn't need to know.

-Any personal information: This includes, but isn't limited to credit card and social security numbers (why you would feel the need to post these online is beyond me...) passwords, your home address, and be careful about your email address, and phone numbers. We all know people we don't want to have those.

-Anyone else's personal information: It might seem like a good idea for revenge, but this could balloon way out of proportion very quickly. (Especially if this person is an ex boyfriend, and you just posted his cell phone number in your status signed "He dumped me. This really sucks." Yep, once that disk gets burned, ya can't take it back.)

-Detailed plans of your planned actions for an evening: Two words - Creepy Stalkers. It's just not safe. Don't do it.

-Those duck face pictures: Yah ok, this is for the ladies, and in some cases, I'm using that term lightly. Don't keep posting the "MySpace shots," with the arm out, and a pouty face.

Clothing- Appears to be optional, or partially present/worn.

Make-up- as much as you can cake on (Even in the ones labeled "no make-up.")

Captions- incredibly obvious, and repetitive.

Location- Bathroom, shower stall, or in front of most any mirror.

Hand Position- Peace sign, or something else that you think is "gangsta" or cute.

These pictures get old very quick, and they look like a desperate plea for attention. You don't need to do it, and you certainly don't need to be showing that much skin to everyone you know. Keep it classy, and limit your number of pictures, the amount of skin you're showing for kicks, and what kind of photos they are. Go to dinner with some friends, and post pictures from that. It's a good excuse to get dressed up, and you have some ready-made photographers.

-All the shirtless-ness: Boys! We don't want to see you shirtless, "flexing," and in your bathroom mirror. You look like an arrogant twit. It doesn't matter if you have a model's body, or not. Just keep it to yourself, or if you must post a picture without a shirt, go to the pool, lake, or ocean, and give it some legitimacy. Kay? Thanks.

More Types of People Online!

-The Vomit: This is the one who over shares everything. Just from reading your news-feed you know what they had for breakfast, their hours of work, who they're mad at, and what their plans for the night are. You also know things about them that you sincerely wish you did not.

-The Chronic Updater- These people normally are combinations to be vomiting-chronic updaters. These are the ones that update their status every 10 minutes.

-On the Edge... of a Personal Crisis: Everything with these people is a borderline catastrophe, and they will broadcast how this is making them feel to anyone and everyone they possibly can. Sympathy fishing is usually a necessary fixture here. 

-The Encourager: These are the people who will leave you smiling. They write nice things, to you or other people, and it lifts your heart to know the world is not completely hopeless. 

-The Attention Seeker: Everything that this person does is motivated solely by how much attention they will be able to get for it. It can take the form of certain pictures taken and shared, comments made, status updates, and more. There are no limits for these people.

-The Urban Dictionary: The person who's status is filled with crude slang terms. One must utilize the actual Urban Dictionary to understand the post. You will learn things you wish you hadn't

-The Inspiring/ Religious-Guilt Trip/ Political-Controversy Picture Poster: Need I describe this person anymore?


-The OMG I'm ROTFL: This is that person who won't use a real word when those awesome creepy internet slang terms will do instead. No they aren't really rolling on the floor laughing. They probably aren't even LOL'ing. At best, a snicker. Most likely, they rolled their eyes.

-The Cruise Director: That one person who is always organizing things and events, and inviting everyone they know to them. About 25% of these events will actually happen. The effectiveness of this cruise director varies by the type of event, and who they are inviting. It also depends if people actually like them or not.

-The Smiley: Must put :) after everything. In the ideals of mixing it up every now and then, ;) Does not discriminate in situations when a :) is not really appropriate...

Oh LOL...

LOL: The catch all response. Explanation via text or other media that it was a joke. Filler of awkward silences. Cultural icon.

   You are annoying. We know most of the time, people are lying when they use you. We also all know that one person who feels the need to work you into almost every text message they send. Now you have become a response to non-funny things. Your only function is to make sure someone can actually have the last "word," NOT to express humor. The cultural icon of LOL you have made your way into memes and more, with entire websites devoted to LOL cats and the like. How far the mighty have fallen!

   Okay. I'm done with that. Seriously though, are we incapable of creating a response that contains a subject and a verb? Not in shorthand? I think half of it is laziness, and the other half is a combination of social norms and habit. How it got to be a habit is a completely different story... I don't think it was clever when it first started, and it certainly hasn't gotten any better with age. Unfortunately, I think we're stuck with it.