Use a Tissue! Please?

Here's a question: What is with our ability to isolate ourselves from the world? This sounds far deeper than what I'm really asking, so I'll try again. How do we get so stuck on ourselves, that we forget that other people can see/ hear us? You see it in cars, in the cubicle at work, in the coffee shop, in the library, etc. We seem to be so lulled into complacency by silence that we forget that we aren't invisible, even if we feel that way. I am talking about picking your nose, randomly bursting into song (I'm guilty of this one. No, we are not on Glee...) scratching yourself in places you should wait on, and picking your nose! (That one is so gross, I feel the need to mention it twice.) This is not an exhaustive list by any means, but these are the ones I've seen recently. Forget professionalism here for a moment. Is is really so easy to be so ignorant of your surroundings that you do anything that you feel the need to, at the moment the whim hits you? I hope I never lose my self-awareness to the point that I start picking my nose sans tissue and manners in a public place.

Oh boy...

So, I decided to join eHarmony. Let's just get a few things straight. 
1. It isn't as expensive as people say it is (I subscribed for $13.00 a month.) 2. The opening questionnaire, the one you take when you're setting up an account, isn't as bad as you hear.
3. Overwhelmingly you will hear the negative reviews if you google the question "Is eHarmony worth the money?" You will get: Too expensive. Bad matches. No matches. Bad system. Wrong system. Complicated system. People are too nosy. The communication system is unnecessary. Hated it. Stupid, etc.

    Rubbish. eHarmony promotes itself as a different approach to online dating. Naturally it isn't going to be like all the other sites. Duh it's going to be unfamiliar. Also, most dating sites go through some system to figure out what you are looking for. This one looks at you, and find people who are compatible to you. I find it interesting that you can set parameters (age, geography, etc) but the main information for your matches comes from the information about yourself. Not what you think you're looking for. Not all dating sites work for everyone, much in the same way that not everyone meets their partner at college, or a bar. Relax people, and quit whining. You're annoying me.

   As I have begun this process, which is incredibly odd, but strangely relaxing for someone who has never tried online dating before, I have started to come up with a list of things that I need to remember as I continue to learn how this actually works.

1. Not everyone will want to be my friend.

2. I am not compatible with everyone who shows up in my match categories.

3. I am allowed to be picky.

4. I reserve the right to not share something I am not ready to.

5. This actually is about me, so I can chose not to go forward if something doesn't seem right.

6. I deserve to be answered.

7. They don't actually know me.

8. They have just as many options as I do.

9. I am not beholden to them just because they're interested, and vice-versa.

10. I don't have to alter my responses just to try to get them to like me.

    The last one is epically hard for me. I am a people pleaser. I always have been, and I have realized that I find myself constantly trying to figure out what the other person is thinking of me. I'm always asking myself, how can I make myself seem the most appealing to them. This seems so silly. If someone cannot accept me with my bugaboos, and my flaws, then why should I be with them anyway? I am myself. I have found myself hiding parts that I think they won't like. I have odd habits, and I have things that are very important to me. I have hidden these things because somehow I think they will be displeasing to my partner, which is dumb because then I feel trapped. It should also be noted, it's also hard to hide parts of yourself for long periods of time. I'm not even giving the men a fair chance. How do I know they wouldn't like the fact that I skip the gym every once and awhile? That my sweet spot for chocolate and books has nothing to do with my hormone levels? That I'm terrified that I won't be able to pay off my student loans? That I am quite ridiculous on a regular basis? That I can command the attention of a large group of people if I want to? That I prefer being alone to recharge? That I can, in fact, ballroom dance?

    I suppose part of the reason I have done this is all my relationships have been with someone that I don't see on a daily basis, or even weekly. Two were with men that I rarely saw at all. It was all online, text, and phone calling. This allowed me the luxury of creating the girl that I thought they would want to be with. The problem with this is... I'm not her, or she's not me. She's part of me to be sure. I would take the characteristics that they admired, or appreciated, and amplify them. The one's that they looked down on, I stuffed. I am a passionate person. I don't do things halfway. When I'm committed to something, I'm all there, which makes it that much more devastating when you find out that they are not on the same page you are, or that they were playing you. Either sucks.

    Online profiles allow you to create the person you want people to see. In a way, you can be whoever you want. Honesty is the best way to go, but it doesn't work terribly well if you a.) are delusional about who you really are, b.) what you want, and what you need are two different things. In a way, this feels like a grand social experiment (that tells you how highly I think of myself...) I am using a different medium to meet people that I normally would have no real way of connecting with. I have no idea if this is even going to find me a significant other, or if it's just going to expand my social circle immensely. Either way, it's definitely going to be interesting.